Thursday, August 5, 2010

August 5, 2010 Senator Jeff Sessions

We've been gone for a few days but we're back with a bang! This is really exciting. For the first time in DOUCHEBAGS DAILY's long several week history, we have our first Double Douchebag in Repug Senator Jeff Sessions. The junior Senator from Alabamy is a ranking member on the Senate Judiciary Committee and an all around douchebag. Today he was in full southern, white-man, old-fogey, bigot form. At one fell swoop this douchebigot blasted both Elena Kagan and Judge Vaughn Walker two douchey moves in one. That's right our fellow Amurachans, he's desperately trying to tie all judges he doesn't agree with personally, together by calling them GASP progressive and GASP and we quote "the kind of judges to advance the law that might be better for the country." Oh my Gawd! Can they do that? Make the country better? Watch the astonishing video of his Washington Unplugged interview HERE and stick around to listen to former Clinton aide Richard Socarides with some truth-tellin'. But before we get too far into it we think there is an important point we need to make. One that is really pertinent to this discussion. Jeffey's middle name is Beauregard, making his full name Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions III, it's a nice civil rights sounding name isn't it? We're not making this up. It's not a joke. We wish we thought of it. But his Mommy thought of it first. So from here on out we'll call Senate-bigot Jeff Sessions "Beauregard" if that's ok with you. It is. Cool thanks.

So anyhoo Beauregard is one of those rare gems in the Senate who, you know, might think blacks should drink from over there and whites should drink wherever the fuck they want to. He's the kind of guy that thinks he would make a better judge than anyone else because he knows what's best for white Amerikkka we mean America. In fact there were a time not that long ago back in the day when he wanted to be a US Federal Judge himself. He prolly thought about it while sittin' a spell in his favorite ole' whites only watering hole and said to himself, I reckon I could do that there. Problem for ole Beauregard is that the Senate Judiciary Committee way back in the 80s said NOPE YOU CAN'T. Watch this video from last year from liberal commie, left-wingnut, lesbian agenda pusher Rachel Maddow and see what you think. It's real informative like. We'll talk to you more after the jump.

Good stuff right. We love us some Rachel. How'd she get so smart anyways? She prolly went to a good school or sumthin' Maybe Beauregard could like learns sumthin from her and shit. Anyhoo we digress. Here's the thing about Beauregard, while speachifying on the Senate floor today he tried to somehow tie the confirmation of Elena Kagan and Judge Vaughn Walker's historic ruling yesterday, together. He apparently thinks that if liberal judges like Vaughn Walker get to overturn the vote of 7 million Californians than the liberals will somehow take over the country and racists like him will have to find another job. 'Cept Judge Walker is anything but a liberal. He is in fact a conservative, appointed by a conservative President, who happens to agree with one of the most conservative people on the planet (Ted Olsen) that "Equality and Justice for All" means ... well FOR ALL. Not just for some. Not just for Beauregard's friends. Not just for Christians. Not just for purty ladies with big Easter hats, their Catholic husbands and deep pockets that can try and buy elections. True conservatives, who believe the gubment should stay the hell out of our personal lives and out of our churches, also believe that when you say something and engrave it on the friggin' Supreme Court, it should prolly mean somethin'.

Beauregard is in good company. After yesterday's historic ruling by new American Hero and protector of constitutional law, Judge Vaughn Walker, (Read the full legal ruling HERE) the doucheroaches came out of the woodwork to try and blast him, blast homos, or anyone who likes homos and anyone who believes in real American equality. Douchebags like Beauregard like to try and politicize this issue because they think it has more steam... or enough to get them through the 2012 election anyway. And they're doing all they can to perpetuate the lies and hate speech that somehow the LGBT community is less worthy of the rights bigots like Beauregard enjoy. Beauregard isn't as bat-shit crazy as some but here's a little quote from one of Beauregard's favorite organizations. The so-called Family Research Council posts this explanation on their website (we ain't gonna link you there 'cause we don't want them getting any hits but if you must google their shit) under title "The Slippery Slope of Same-Sex Marriage they make this comparison to loving, giving, healthy LGBT families...

"A Man and His Horse

In what some call a denial of a basic civil right, a Missouri man has been told he may not marry his long-term companion. Although his situation is unique, the logic of his argument is remarkably similar to that employed by advocates of homosexual marriage.

The man claims that the essential elements of marriage--love and commitment--are indeed present:"She's gorgeous. She's sweet. She's loving. I'm very proud of her. ... Deep down, way down, I'd love to have children with her."1

Why is the state of Missouri, as well as the federal government, displaying such heartlessness in denying the holy bonds of wedlock to this man and his would-be "wife"?

It seems the state of Missouri is not prepared to indulge a man who waxes eloquent about his love for a 22-year-old mare named Pixel."

That's right. The nut-job douchebags think Gay Marriage is just like wanting to marry a horse. Makes perfect sense right? One group wants to be able to enjoy the same right any loving couple and family have, the other wants to... marry a horse. Sure we see the connection.

See these douchebags are going to use every lie, trick, filthy douchebaggery they can to try and paint LGBT people as evil and immoral. And why are thy working so hard to do this you ask? Well we're glad you did. Because they need somehting to fuel their otherwise failed political party. The Repugs remember, dragged us all into this horrific mess we call a Recession. After 2000 when JUDGES APPOINTED BUSH our President, he and his cronies proceeded to drag our asses into so much debt that now your dollar is worth about as much as Michelle Bachmann's modeling career. So they need something to excite the masses to get their minds off the hell hole these douchebags put us in and on to something they can rally around... like hating gay people. So the more douchebags like Beauregard can demonize us the better chance he has to control Congress. Are you following us? Basically it's the ole' bait and switch except it's more gay and switch. Beauregard and douchebags like him all over the country are spinning Vaughn Walker's ruling and the Elena Kagan confirmation into no less than the end of the world ... unless you give them money and put them in power so they can save us by giving billionaires more tax cuts and destroying the middle-class. Check out this doozy from NOM nutjob Maggie Gallagher, she called Judge Walker's ruling "Soviet-style". Really? They had Conservative judges in Soviet Russia who were willing to break from the extreme douchebags of their party and favor the constitution. I don't remember that. But anyway she must be right because she looks like this. We're all over the place with this post but you get the point. You don't? OK let us clear it up for you. See there are a whole bunch of douchebags out there and today Senator Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions III you are our DOUCHEBAG DAILY! Does that clear it up?

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